THE DAY AFTER TOMORROW
DONNIE DARKO: "Dudes i am glad we escaped those CG wolves man holy shit that was badass!"
WEATHER: "you dudes are fucked now! *ICE ATTACK!!*"
DONNIE DARKO: "Oh shit here comes teh ice as it makes its slow but methodical way twords us and even turns corners!"
ICE: "RRRRRRR"
DONNIE DARKO: "ha ha we shut the door, fuck you ice you can't get in."
ICE: "CURSES PS POLLUTION IS BAD 4 U."
BLACK NERD DUDE: "I'm a nerd!"
---MEANWHILE IN WENDYS---
DENNIS QUAID: "Even innerspace was better than this shit!"

I, ROBOT: A DRAMATIC PLAY IN ONE ACT
WILL SMITH: I HATE ROBOTS YO PEEP MY SNEAKS. NO ROBOT COULD MAKE CONVERSE HELL NAW. PS: AUDI!
AUDI: SUP
WILL SMITH: SHIT SOMEONE MURDERED THE BABE THE PIG DUDE WHO POPS UP IN ALL DEZ STRANGE MOVIES. WHO KILLED HIM IT BETTER NOT BE ROBOTS, OH MAN I HATE ROBOTS. PS I KNEW THIS GUY PERSOANLLY BUT I WILL NOT REMEMBER THAT IN THE NEXT SCENE. HAY BUILDING, WHO KILLED THIS GUY.
BUILDING: ...
SCIENCE WOMAN: STOP HATING ROBOTS OMG THAT ROBOT IS NOT OBEYING ME AND I DON'T THINK THAT IS UNSUALL AT ALL EVEN AFTER MY LONG WINDED EXPLAINATION OF WHY ROBOTS NEVER DISOBEY.
SONNY, THE ROBOT WITH HEART: WHO AM I DUDE???
AUDI: IT IS AMAZING THAT THERE IS NEVER ANY TRAFFIC IN CHICAGO
WILL SMITH: SHIT STOP HITTING MY IRONIC ARM, ROBOT
SCIENCE CHICK: TIME TO DIE SONNY OH NO I HAVE FEELINGS
***ROBOTS FREAK OUT***
WILL SMITH: NOW WE ARE IN A VIDEO GAME
BUILDING: GUESS WHAT I AM THE VILLIAN
WILL SMITH: I AM GOING TO KILL YOU, BUILDING. STAND BACK!! I AM GOING TO USE MY ROBOTIC ARM! I HATE YOU, ARM.
SONNY: I AM NOT DEAD AND AM HELPING KILL ROBOTS!
BUILDING: "BARF!"
WILL SMITH: OK I LIKE YOU ROBOT MAN, WE COO' NOW.
SONNY: NOW I AM JESUS.
The End.

ALIEN Vs. PREDATOR
A Touching Tale of Sacrifice and Ridiculous Human/Warrior Alien Beast Love (to be read a maximum volume)
OUTERSPACE: OMG OMINOUS INTRO LOL JUST A SATILLITE
SCINCE DUDES: WHOA UNDERGROUND PYRAMID THAT IS SOMEWHAT SIMILAR TO THE HIVE IN RESIDENT EVIL
BISHOP: HAY GATHER ME A SCIENCE TEAM OF TEENAGERS WITH ATTITUDE...SORT OF LIKE JURRASSIC PARK...HA......
DIRECTOR: CHARACTER DEVLOPMENT? NO.
--------SOME SHIT HAPPENS NOT INVOLING ANYTHING COOL----------
BISHOP: OK DUDES LETS START DRILLING TO THE UNDERGROUND PYRAM- OH COOL SOMEONE DRILLED SOME AMAZING HOLE ALREADY, THANX WHOEVER.
SCIENCE TEAM: WE ARE NOT PHASED BY THIS IMPOSSIBLE LASER HOLE.
--------MORE SHIT MOSTLY INVOLING FLASHLIGHTS----------
RETARDED FLOOR-SWITCH-PLOT-DEVICE: HA HA NOW YOU GUYS ARE FUCKED
ALIEN QUEEN: SUP
--------MORE FLASHLIGHTS---------
SCENCE TEAM: WHOA SACRIFICIAL CHAMBER
BISHOP: MAKING HISTORY IS AWESOME
SCIENCE TEAM: BADASS, A CHEST FULL OF GUN-SHAPED THINGS WTF ARE THEY
PREDATORS: SHIT! OUR LASERGUNS!
SCINCE TEAM: GROSS, SLIME EGGS
FACE HUGGERS: BULLETTIME, BITCHES
CHESTBURSTER: THAT WAS FAST. HERE COMES THE PAIN
PREDATORS: DIE PUNY HUMANS. WE ARE SO BADASS
BADASS BLACK DUDE: HI I WAS IN RESIENT EVIL AND WAS KILLED BY A LASER-NET. WOULDN't THAT BE STUPID IF I GOT KILLED BY ANOTHER NET OF SOME SORT?
NET: YES. DIE.
PYRAMID: I CHANGE SHAPE EVERY 10 MINUETS! CAN YOU SOLVE MY MYSTERIES?? I WILL PROBABLY JUST STOP CHANING SHAPE LATER THO...BECASUE THE WRITERS FORGOT ABOUT IT....SIGH
ALIENS: RRR DIE PREDATORS
PREDATOR: WELL I HOPE YOU WEREN"T HOPING TO SEE MANY PREDATORS KICKING ASS BECASUE I AM A PUSSY. *DIES*
OTHER PREDATOR: YA, ME TOO. *DIES*
BISHOP: DIE ONLY REMAINING PREDATOR! RAR BLOWTORCH MADE OF STUFF! BISHOP: SHIT MAKING HISTORY IS HARD *DIES*
SURVIALIST CHICK: I AM THE SOLE SURVIVOR EXCEPT FOR ITALIAN DORK
DIRECTOR: YA RIGHT!
ITALIAN DORK: ARGHHHHH
SURVIVALIST CHICK: HA HA I KILL YOU ALIEN, WITH THIS SPEAR THAT FOR SOME REASON DOSEN'T MELT FROM ACID BLOOD!
PREDATOR: I TOTALLY RESPECT YOU NOW. I GIVE YOU THIS GIFT OF AN ALIEN HEAD TO WEAR AS A MITTEN.
AUDIENCE: OH FUCK
----- EXPLOSION ------
QUEEN: I AM THE LAST BOSS
PREDATOR / SURVIALIST CHICK: BEHOLD THE POWER OF OUR TEAMWORK!
QUEEN: OH NO A WATERY GRAVE
PREDATOR: YOU ARE PRETTY COOL I GUESS *DIES*
PREDITOR KING: HERE TAKE THIS...THING I DON'T WANT IT
PREDATOR CHESBURSTER: WOST ENDING EVER!
THE END

OPEN WATER
A Terrifying adventure in agressive boredom
IRRITATING DUDE: HAY IT IS VACTION TIME, WIFE
ANNOYING CHICK: YES.
DUDE: WE ARE ON VACATION, LETS HAVE SEX.
CHICK: NO
DUDE: GODDAMNIT FINE, HOW ABOUT I JUST GET BITTEN BY A SHARK AND DIE
SHARK: BITE
DUDE: *DIES*
CHICK: *DIES*
THE END

SKY CAPTAIN 'N THA WORLD OF TOMORROW!
AKA RAIDERS OF THE LOST STAR WARS
SCIENTIST: HAY HERE TAKE THESE VIALS OF SOMETHING OH NO I AM CAPTURED
POLLY PERKINS: MYSTERIOUS LEAD WHAT A SCOOP
ANOTHER SCIENTIST: I AM GOING TO SAY TOTENKOFF WHICH WILL CAUSE YOU TO SAY TOTENKOFF A LOT FOR THE REST OF THE MOVIE OK, SORRY, AND OH YEAH THEY ARE AFTER ME!
PP: GIANT ROBOT ATTACK WHAT A SCOOP
MILLITARY: OMG SKY CAPTAIN HELP BRING YOUR MERCENARY ARMY
SKY CAPTAIN AND THE PLANE OF TOMMOROW: OK HOW ABOUT JUST ME AND I DO NOTHING
MILLITARY: YA THAT IS COOL
SC: HAVE A NICE TRIP ROBOTS LOL
** ROBOTS WIN **
---LATER, AT SKY CAPTAINS AWESUM BASE---
SC: DEX DUDE I STOPPED 2 ROBOTS OUT OF LIKE 500 AND BROUGHT IT HOME PP: HAY SKY CAPTAIN REMEMBER ME HAY IS THAT A ROBOT WHAT A SCOOP SC: OH SHIT ---LATER IN THE CITY---
PP: DEAD SCIENTIST WHAT A SCOOP HAY WHAT ARE THESE VIALS
SC: NOTHING ELSE REALLY HAPPENS HERE
---BACK AT TEH BASE!!!---
DEX: ANOTHER ROBOT ATTACK! THERE GOES ALL OUR PLANES
SC: EXCEPT MINE! PEW PEW I SHOOT DOWN ONE ROBOT PLANE
DEX: I AM CAPTURED BUT I DISCOVERED ALL THIER SECRETS SC: AND AMIDST ALL THIS RUBBLE I FIND DEX'S TINY CLUE, AMAZING
---LATER, IN TIBET---
SC: THIS WHOLE PART IS PRETTY DULL SO I WILL JUST SAY TOTENKOFF A LOT
SHERPAS: I WILL TAKE THOSE VIALS THAT WILL NO LONGER SERVE A PURPOSE, NYA HA HA
PP: WHAT A SCOOP I SUCK
TNT: ASPLODE
---LATER, UNDERWATER---
LT. COUCH LIPS: I AM AWESOME, BYE
SC: LATER
---LATER, ON THE MUSTERIOUS ISLAND OF AMAZING CG ANIMALS---
SC: TOTENKOMFFRGHGHRGHGHHHH
--LATER IN THE TERRIBLE FORTRESS OF TOTENKOFF--
PP: OH NOES IT IS NOAHS ROCKET ARK THE WORLD IS DOOMED WHAT A SCOOP
SC: NOT SO FAST, ROCKET ARK!
TOTENKOFF'S VIDEO HEAD: I AM TEH GOD
SC: HE THINKS HE IS GOD LOL *KABOOM*
AUDIENCE: OK
THE END!

HERO
A Touching tale of people getting stabbed in the stomach
GAURDS: EMPEROR, THERE IS THIS DUDE HERE TO SEE YOU
EMPEROR: EXCELLENT HE KILLED ALL THESE PEOPLE THAT I DON'T LIKE
JET LI: HERE IS THE STORY OF HOW I KILLED THEM, IT IS VERY COLORFUL. YOU SHIRT IS RED!
EMERPOR: FANTASTIC! BUT I AM TOTALLY ON TO YOU THAT IS NOT WHAT HAPPENED
JET LI: YA, YOU GOT ME. HERE IS A SLIGHTLY ALTERED VERSION. (YOUR SHIRT IS BLUE)
EMPEREOR: HERE IS WHAT I THINK HAPPENED! I LIKE GREEN SO IT IS ALL GREEN THIS TIME. (YOU SHIRT IS GREEN)
JET LI: HA HA, YOU ARE DECIEVED, HERE IS WHAT HAPPENED FOR SERIOUS THIS TIME. YOUR SHIRT IS WHITE!
JET LI: GOOD THING CHINA IS SO AWESOME, BECASUE I TOTALY AM NOT GOING TO KILL YOU
EMERPOR: JET LI YOU ARE ONE AMAZING DUDE, SERIOUSLY MAN. AMAZING. JET LI: ARROW'D
FINIS U__U

BLADE: DOGSHIT
A tender tale of the rough life of gap models
AUDEINCE: HOLY SHIT THAT DUDE JUST GAVE TEH SUN THE FINGER HE IS OBVIOUSLY NO HUMAN BECASUE PEOPLE LOVE TEH SUN
VAMPIRE COMMANDOS: NO WE AWAKEN THE DRACULA NYAR HAR HAR OH SHIT HE LOOKS LIKE SHREDDER FROM TMNT
SHREDDER: RARRRR *BLADE KILLS VAMPIRES IN A UNORTHADOX WAY*
BLADE: MOTHAFUCKAS
WHISTLER: YO BLADE I AM IN A SEMI FOR SOME REASON WITH YOU CAR IN IT INSTED OF JUST, YOU KNOW, DRIVING YOUR CAR
BLADE: DIE MOTHAFUCKA *BLAM*
MOTHERFUCKER: HA HA BLADE YOU ARE TRICKED IA M HUMAN YOU KILLED A HUMAN
BLADE: MOTHAFUCKA TRICKED A MOTHAFUCKA LIKE A MOTHFUCKA
PARKER POSEY VAMPIRE: HA HA YOU ARE VIDEOTAPED! THE MEDIA HAS DESTROIED TOMMY CHEN??
WHISTLER: DUDE BLADE SERIOUSLY WE ARE SO SCREWED
BLADE: OK
POLICE: DIE BLADE
WHISTLER: DIE POLICE *EXPLODES*
*MEANWHILE*
POSEY VAMPIRE: RGH THAT DAMN BLADE OH HEY HERE COMES DRACULA I MEAN DRAKE
DRAKEULA: HELLO YOU VAMPIRES ARE WEAK AND SOFT BTW WHICH WAY TO THE GAP *MEANWHILE AT THE POLICE STATION*
BLADE: I AM CAPTURED AND SLEEPY
COMIC RELIFE ASSHOLE: HEY BLADE HI I MAKE JOKES! HERE HAVE SOME VAMPIRE VIAGRA
BLADE: WITNESS MY BONER
SHE-BLADE: WATCH AS I KILL VAMPIRES WITH TERRIBLE CG I MEAN A UV LAZER BOW THING AND I HAVE A BOW TOO BOWS ARE COOL RIGHT
COMIC RELIFE ASSHOLE: HTTP://APPLE.COM/IPOD
DRAKEULA: BLADE I AM AWESOME AND I WILL THROW BABIES AT YOU NOW HA HA HA MY BABY ATTACK IS PERFECT
*THEN SOME SHIT HAPPENS!!!!!!!*
SHE BLADE: SO SAD BETTER TAKE A SHOWER OHHH I AM ALL BLOODY THIS IS FOR ALL YOU MENSTRATION FETISHISTS OUT THERE *WINK*
BLADE: ALL YOUR MOTHAFUCKIN FRIENDS ARE DEAD PS I AM BLACK MOTHAFUCKA PSS GET REALLY SUPER PISSED OK
SHE BLADE: GRR *SOME MORE SHIT HAPPENS THAT IS VERY MUCH LIKE THE MATRIX BUT WORSE? OH YEAH AND THE CORN POP VIRUS THIS TOO, TOTALLY*
DRAKEULA: ARRGH YOU HAVE KILLED ME BLADE BUT IT'S COOL I WILL TOTALLY COVER FOR YOU OK
BLADE: COOL
POLICE: NOW WE CUT OPEN BLADE'S DEAD BODY - OMFG NOT BLADE AT ALL BUT A GAP MODEL???
BLADE: HA HA SQEUAL
AUDIENCE: BUT WHAT ABOUT THE VIRUS THAT KILLED ALL TEH VAMPIRES GODDAMNIT YOU WRAPPED UP EVERYTHING WHY ARE YOU LEAVING IT OPEN FOR A SEQUAL
BLADE: YA'LL ARE MOTHERFUCKED NOW
THE END

WHITE NOISE
AKA how to make an M. Night Shamalyan movie without being M. Night Shamalayanamamnayan.
MOVIE: EVP (ELECTRONIC VOICE PHENOMEMNONENN IS SERIOUS SHIT BATMAN: EVERYTHING IS PERFECT MY LIFE IS AWESOME
BATMAN'S WIFE: HI I AM LEAVING NOW HOPE I DON'T DIE OR SOMETHING BATMAN: LOL
LATER
BATMAN: I MISS MY DEAD WIFE
FAT DUDE: DUDE I AM TALK TO THE DEAD LIKE IN THE SIXTH SENSE BUT I CAN ONLY DO IT WITH, YOU KNOW, LOTS OF TELEVISIONS AND CASSETTE TAPES BATMAN: COOL I AM DEPRESSED LEEMIE HEAR MY WIFE
EVIL GHOSTS: RAWR WE WILL KILL YOU
FAT DUDE: HA HA, THOSE JOKESTERS! FUCK YOU SPIRT WORLD
FAT DUDE: HELP GHOSTS ARE KILLING ME
BATMAN: WHOA THAT IS MESSED UP! NOW I WILL TALK TO THE DEAD ON MY TV TOO. WTF I AM NOT GETTING THE GHOST NETWORK I BETTER UPGRADE TO HI-DEF
GHOSTS: KKSSSSHHHHHSHHHHHH SUP DUDE KKSSHHHSHSHHHHHH
BATMAN: SWEET
A BUNCH OF NOTHING HAPPENS
BATMAN: OBVIOUSLY THESE GHOSTS ARE TELLING ME TO SAVE LIVES. I AM AN AVERAGE JOE SUPERHERO LIKE IN UNBREAKABLE
BATMAN: I AM OFF TO SAVE LIVES AT THE ABANDONDED PIER WHAREHOUSE GHOSTS: YOU ARE A FUCKING IDIOT DO NOT GO IN THERE
RANDOM DUDE WHO WAS IN TEH MOVIE FOR 2 SECONDS AS A CONSTRUCTION WORKER: I GUESS I AM THE VILLAN? HELLO?
BATMAN: AAA DEMONS MY ONE WEAKNESS
DEAMONS: EEEEEEEEEE
BATMAN: AAA MY ARMS AND LEGS ARE BEING BROKEN A LOT MORE THAN USUAL THESE DAYS AND NOW I AM DEAD LIKE MY WIFE
POLICE: WTF
THE END

Elektra
A touching tutorial on how to be the worst superhero ever
NARRATOR: SO THERE IS THIS BATTLE FOR BETWEEN GOOD AN EVIL OK? OK. AND THERE IS SOME OTHER SHIT OR SOMETHING BLAH BLAH BLAH PROFICIES ETC ETC WOW THIS IS ALREADY BORING AND SHITTY
SECURITY DUDE: HA HA DON;T WORRY MAN MY SECURITY IS AWESOME
DUDE SIPPING SCOTCH: YOU FOOL ELEKTRA IS GOING TO KILL US ALL PROBABLY BECASUE SHE IS AWESOME AND KEEPS NOT KILLING ME
ELEKTRA: HA HA HERE I AM TO KILL YOU
DUDE SIPPING SCOTCH: OH MY GOD IS THAT YOUR OUTFIT YOU LOOK TERRIBLE OH NO KINFE IN BACK *DIES*
DUDE WEARING EYELINER: YO ELEKTRA I HAVE A NEW JOB FOR YOU HAY WHY ARE YOU SCRUBBING THE FLOOR
ELEKTRA: I DON'T EVEN KNOW BUT IT IS SOMETHING I DO ALL THE TIME BUT I WON'T EVER DO THIS AGAIN IN THE MOVIE HAY I AM NOT GOING TO TAKE THIS JOB
EYELINER DUDE: YES YOU ARE
ELEKTRA: OK **LATER AT SOME HOUSE SOMEWHERE**
ELEKTRA:WOW THIS IS REALLY BORING
STUPID TEENAGE GIRL: SORRY I BROKE INTO YOUR HOUSE AND TRIED TO STEAL YOUR NECKACE
AUDIENCE: KILL HER
ELEKTRA: DON'T STEAL MY SHIT
**THEN NOTHING AT ALL HAPPENS FOR WHAT SEEMS LIKE FOREVER**
STUPID TEENAGER: HEY COME HAVE CHRISTMAS DINNER WITH ME AND MY DAD
ELEKTRA: I WILL BUT ONLY BECASUE IT SEEMS LIKE THE MOST BORING THING TO DO
**THEY EAT AND IT IS UNBELIEVEBLY DULL**
EYELINER DUDE: OMG SUPRISE YOU HAVE TO KILL THAT DUDE AND HIS IDIOT DAUGHTER
AUDIENCE: OH SWEET
ELEKTRA: I... I JUST CAN'T DO IT I AM REALLY SLEEPY
AUDIENCE: GOD FUCKING DAMN IT
NINJAS: WE ARE HERE TO FINISH THE JOB OH SHIT IT IS ELEKTRA POOF WE DIE IN CLOUDS OF SMOKE
**MEANWHILE AT THE EIVL GUYS HEADQUARTERS**
BEDSHEET NINJA: BWA HA HA BEHOLD MY ELITE TEAM OF FREAKY DEMON NINJAS WITH UNORTHADOX POWERS KIND OF LIKE IN NINJA SCROLL ONLY SEVERLY RETARDED RETARD NINJA ROLL CALL
HUGE DUDE: I HAVE THE POWER OF BIG
TATOO DUDE: I HAVE TATOOS... EVIL TATOOS THO
POISION CHICK: I AM POISIONOUS
OTHER DUDE: I... I DON'T KNOW WHAT MY POWER IS
**MEANWHILE BACK AT THE RANCH**
ELEKTRA: THANKS FOR LETTING US HIDE HERE EYELINER GUY OH NOES THE DEMON NINJAS ARE HERE
EYELINER DUDE: RELEASE ME FROM MY SHITTY BIT PART *DIES* THX
HUGE DUDE: BOHAHA I AM HUGE AND KNIVES BREAK ON ME AAA FUCK A TREE MY ONE WEAKNESS *POOF*
TEEN WONDER: HA HA IT TURNS OUT I AM FIGHT SORT OF WOW WHAT AN AMAZING PLOT TWIST
OTHER DUDE: I WILL JUST DIE IF NO ONE CARES *POOF*
TATOO DUDE: DOG MISSLES, GOOOOOOOO
DOG MISSLES: WOOF
POISON CHICK: NO ONE SURVIVES MY FANSERVICE ATTACK HAY ELEKTRA LETS MAKE OUT
ELEKTRA: OK AUGH YOU ARE POISONOUS
**LATER I GUESS**
BLIND DUDE: ELEKTRA THE AMOUNT THAT YOU SUCK IS OFF THE CHARTS AND CANNOT BE GUAGED BY CONVENTIONAL MEANS
ELEKTRA: YOU SPEAK IN RIDDLES OLD MAN!!!!
BLIND DUDE: MAYBE
ELEKTRA: AUUGH
WONDERTEEN: LETS FIGHT I AM AWESOME
ELEKTRA: I AM AWESOMER HA HA AT LAST I CAN BEAT SOMEONE UP AUDIENCE: KILL HER
ELEKTRA: SORRY I BEAT YOU UP KID
AUDIENCE: ...
ELEKTRA: OK NOW LETS RANDOMLY GO TO WHERE SOMETHING HAPPENED IN MY MYSTERIOUS PAST
BEDHSEET NINJA: BEHOLD MY CONFUSING BEDSHEET ATTACK
**ELEKTRA GETS HER ASS KICKED BECASUE THAT IS WHAT SHE DOES**
TATOO DUDE: YOU MAY HAVE SURVIVED MY DOG MISSLES BUT MY SNAKE MISSLES ARE ANOTHER STORY WHOOPS NEVERMIND *POOF*
ELEKTRA: I KILL YOU SOMEHOW BEDHSEET NINJA EVEN THOUGH YOU HAVE BEEN WHOOPING MY ASS THROUGH THE WHOLE MOVIE
BEDSHEET NINJA: GODDAMN YOU LOOK RIDICULOUS *POOF*
POISION CHICK *ALSO POOF*
BLIND DUDE: I AM BLIND AND CAN TELL THAT YOU LOOK RIDICULOUS ELEKTRA
ELEKTRA: WELL THAT WRAPS UP EVERYTHING!!! HAHAHAH YAY I HAVE LEARNED TO LIVE AGAIN BUT I HAVE OCD BECASUE I AM A TOPICAL SUPER HERO
THE END


Boogeyman
Monsters Inc. meets The Grudge
KID: OH MAN THAT CLOSET IS FREAKING MY SHIT RIGHT OUT
DAD: WTF IS GOING ON IN HERE - HA HA STUPID CLOSETS ARE NOT SCARY SEE OH SHIT *DIES*
KID: SO MUCH FOR MY EMOTIONAL STABILITY FOREVER
***LATER THAT CENTURY***
TIM, ALL GROWN UP AND TRAGICALLY HIP: I AM JUST GOING TO STARE AT THIS DOORKNOB FOR A WHILE
TIM'S IDIOT GIRLFRIEND: TIM ARE YOU GAY
TIM: ... IDIOT GIRLFRIEND: COME TO MY PARENT'S HOUSE THIS WEEKEND PS MY DAD HATES YOU AND I AM RICH
**OMFG***
IDIOT GIRLFRIEND'S DAD: TIM ARE YOU GAY YOU LOOK A LITTLE GAY TO ME TODAY
TIM: ...
TIM'S PHONE: HEY ASSHOLE YOUR SCARY MOM IS DEAD
TIM: ...
IDIOT GIRLFRIEND: BYE TIM HAVE FUN AT YOU MOM'S FUNERAL I WILL BE BACK LATER TO GET MYSTERIOUSLY KILLED
***LATER, AT THE FUNERAL!***
TIM:...
TIM'S UNCLE: HEY TIME LOOK THERE IS THAT GIRL YOU GREW UP WITH DURING YOUR CRAPPY CHILDHOOD HERE ARE THE KEYS TO YOUR OLD SPOOKY CHILDHOOD HOUSE THAT IS FULL OF CLOSETS AND DOORKNOBS
TIM: DUN DUN DUNNNNN
***LATER, AT TEH HOSPITAL FOR CRAZY CHILDREN***
TIM: I WILL JUST STOP AT TEH HOSPITAL FOR CRAZY CHILDREN ON MY WAY TO MY OLD HAUNTED HOUSE *SIGH* ALL THE GOOD TIMES I HAD HERE T_T
DOCTOR: HAY TIM REMEMBER WHEN YOUR DAD RAN AWAY HA HA YOU SHOULD SPEND A NIGHT IN THAT FREAKY ASS HOUSE OF YOURS WHERE YOUR DAD RAN AWAY BECUASE HE HATED YOU ALMOST AS MUCH AS ME IT WILL MAKE YOU FEEL BETTER
CRAZY LITTLE GIRL: *SCREAM*
DOCTOR: CUT THAT OUT YOU ACT LIKE YOU HAVE NEVER SEEN GAY TIM BEFORE
TIM: ...
***OH NOES THE HOUSE AT FUCKING LAST***
TIM: THIS IS REALLY BORING OH HEY THERE IS KATE WHO I KNEW AS A KID
KATE: HEY I JUST FELL OFF A HORSE
TIM: COOL WANNA STARE AT SOME DOORKNOBS WITH ME
KATE: HEY MAYBE LATER
***LATER THAT NIGHT!!!!!!!!!!***
TIM: HEY GET OUT OF MY TOOLSHED FREAKY GIRL
FREAKY GIRL: k
TIM: HEY COOL MY HOUSE IF FULL OF DEAD KIDS RARGHHH I AM FIGHTING THIS EMPTY CLOSET!!!!
IDIOT GIRLFRIEND: LOOK WHO IT IS, IT IS ME AGAIN!
***SUDDENLY, AT SOME MOTEL***
IDIOT GIRLFRIEND: THIS IS WHAT YOU HAVE ALL BEEN WAITING FOR I FINALLY DIE BUT BECASUE THIS IS A PG-13 MOVIE I JUST KIND OF DISAPPEAR BECASUE TEH BATHTUB ATE ME
TIM: I WILL JUST HANG OUT IN THIS CLOSET WHOOPS IT IS A MYSTERIOUS PORTAL BACK TO THE HOUSE OH HEY KATE SUP
KATE: OMG YOU ARE CRAZY
TIM: ...
***THEN SOME SHIT I CAN'T REMEMBER HAPPENS***
FREAKY LITTLE GIRL: SUPRISE I AM A GHOST YOU MUST FACE THE BOOGEYMAN
TIM: OK JUST AS LONG AS THERE IS A LOT OF CLOSE UPS OF DOORKNOBS AND MY FACE
BOOGEYMAN: RAWR
KATE: HOLY SHIT IT IS ALL TRUE YOU ARE NOT GAY AFTERALL TIM
TIM: UM, I GUESS I WILL SMASH THIS ACTION FIGURE OR SOMETHING THAT SHOULD DO THE TRICK
BOOGEYMAN: YOU WIN THIS ROUND I GUESS
TIM: PERHAPS AT LAST THE SUN CAN RISE ON MY SHIT OF A LIFE
SUN: *RISES, CUE MOPEY POP SONG*
THE END

XXX: STATE OF THE EXPLOSION
A tale of something and how it blew up
FARMHAND: HAHA STUPID HORSES SHUT UP WTF IS YOUR PROBLEM OH HEY LOOKIT ALL THESE DEAD GUYS ARGH I AM BEING KNIFED
SPLINTER CELL DUDES: LETS BLOW UP THE LAWN
LAWN: EXPLODE!!
SPLINTER CELL DUDES: QUICK INTO THE SECRET BASE UNDER THE LAWN RARR DIE EVERYONE
GIBBONS: TOUGH SHIT MOTHAFUCKAS I HAVE TWO HANDGUNS *ESCAPES*
SCIENCE NERD: SWEET I AM IN THE SEQUAL
GIBBONS: READY MY PIMPED OUT RIDE WE ARE DRIVING TO PRISON WE NEED AN NEW XXX WITH MORE ATTITUDE
SCIENCE DUDE: MORE ATTITUDE?? WHERE CAN WE FIND SOMEONE LIKE THAT? (note: actual line)
**CREDITS EXPLODE**
**MEANWHILE AT THE WHITE HOUSE**
GREEN GOBLIN: MR. PRESIDENT A BUNCH OF OUR TOP SECRET DUDES WERE KILLED PRESIDENT: SHIT
**LATER, AT THE PRISON**
GIBBONS: ICE CUBE, MY OLD FRIEND WE NEED YOU FOR SOME REASON
CUBE: I TALK VERY DEADPAN AND DO NOT GIVE ANY SHITS ABOUT YOUR SHITS
GIBBONS: THATS OK WE WILL BREAK YOU OUT OF PRISON
I.CUBE: OK BUT I HATE CHOO FOO'
**SUDDENLY ICE CUBE IS ESCAPING**
I.CUBE: I PUNCH YOU SO HARD THAT SUDDENLY I GENERATE PHOTOSHOP MOTION BLURS BITCH
**ICE CUBE JUMPS OFF A ROOF AND A HELICOPER APPEARS**
I.CUBE WOO I GUESS OK I GUESS WE CAN GO TO THE GHETTO OF D.C. NOW BUT FIRST I NEEDS TA GO HAVE SEX WIF A SAMMICH
**LATER IN TEH GHETTO**
I.CUBE: IT IS GOOD TA SEE AWLS MAH BITCHES AGAIN IN THIS AUTO CHOP SHOP WITH LOTS OF WOMEN GRINDING METAL AW YEAH
CHOP SHOP DUDE: WORD. NOW GO SOMEWHERE ELSE FOR SOME REASON **SOMEWHERE ELSE**
I.CUBE HEY BABY I AM BACK AFTER 9 YEARS WTF AM I DOING HERE I DO NOT EVEN KNOW
HIGH END CHOP SHOP CHCIK WITH HUGE BOOBS: HI
**SUDDENLY BACK AT THE RANCH**
NSC DUDES DUDE WHAT A MESS ALL THESE DUDES ARE DEAD OH AND PS SO IS XANDER CAGE THAT WILL TEACH VIN DISEL TO NOT BE IN OUR TERRIBLE SEQUAL
UNDERWORLD DUDE: CHIRST MY MOUTH IS GROSS LOOKING
**CAR EXPLODES**
UNDERWORLD DUDE: THIS LOOKS LIKE A DISTRACTION
I.CUBE: HAHA I AM STEALING YO SHIT LIKE THIS HARD DRIVE K BYE
**BOAT EXPLODES, BOAT GOES UP A RAMP, EXPLODES, HITS CAR WHICH EXPLODES, ICE CUBE WALKS IN FRONT OF EXPLOSION IN SLOW MO, POSSIBLY EXPLODES**
**MEANWHILE AT GIBBONS HOUSE**
GIBBONS: SHIT FUCK DAMN IT IS WILLIAM DAFOE BEHIND EVERYTHING
GREEN GOBLIN: OF COURSE I ONLY PLAY VILLANS
**GIBBON'S HOUSE EXPLODES**
I.CUBE: GIBBONS IS DEAD QUICK LETS FIND A RANDOM CLUE
SCIENCE DUDE: HERE YOU GO SOME CHICK NAMED CHARLIE
I.CUBE: THAT'LL WORK. FOO'.
**LATER ICE CUBE WEARS A SUIT BECASUE LOL ICE CUBE DOSEN'T WEAR SUITS!!!!**
CHARLIE: ICE CUBE YOU MUST INFILTRATE SOME PARTY I AM PRETTY SURE THAT THE VILLANS WILL BE THERE, IN THE MIDDLE OF A TON OF PEOPLE JUST TALKING ABOUT THIER EVIL PLAN I AM PRETTY SURE ALL YOU HAVE TO DO IS STAND BEHIND THEM AND YOU WILL HEAR IT
**ICE CUBE STANDS BEHIND WILLIAM DAFOE AND HEARS EVERYTHING, NOTHING EXPLODES BUT SOMEONE GETS PUNCHED WITH IS KIND OF LIKE A LITTLE EXPLOSION**
CHARLIE: QUICK LETS GET OUT OF HERE SO YOU CAN TAKE A SHOWER
**SO THEY GO TO SOME HUGE HOUSE**
I.CUBE BABY DO YOU HAVE ANY SANDWICHES I WANNA HAVE SEX WITH ONE BUT NOT YOU RIGHT NOW
CHARLIE LOL OK LATER
**ICE CUBE TAKES A SHOWER**
I.CUBE: OH MAN A GUN ON THE FLOOR I BETTER PICK THAT UP - OH SHIT A DEAD GENERAL I AM TOTALLY FRAMED, UH, YO.
UNDERWORLD DUDE: ICE CUBE YOU BETTER ESCAPE SOMEHOW
I.CUBE: I WILL TRICK EVERYONE WITH MEAT
**EVERYONE IS FOOLED BY ICE CUBE'S MEAT TACTIC**
POLICE: DAMN
**SUDDENLY ICE CUBE DISCOVERS THE BADGUYS ARE IN AN AIRCRAFT CARRIER AND THAT GIBBONS IS STILL ALIVE AND THEN PUNCHES A WOMAN BECASUE HE IS SO HAPPY TO SEE GIBBONS IS STILL ALIVE OH YEAH AND CHARLIE IS A BADGUY TOO**
**THE FOLLOWING THINGS EXPLODE: HELICOPTER, TANK, ANOTHER TANK, TRUCK** I.CUBE: TIME TO GATHER UP THE HOMIES. HOMIES, ASSEMBLE
HOMIES: QUICK LETS GET TO THE CAPITOL BUILDING
**A BUNCH OF SHIT HAPPENS AND THE HOMIES SAVE THE PRESIDENT BY ALMOST SHOOTING HIM WITH A TANK (?)**
GREEN GOBLIN: DAMN I AM FOILED QUICKLY, TO THE BULLET TRAIN THAT IS UNDER THE CAPITOL
I.CUBE: SHIT WHAT IS FASTER THAN A BULLET TRAIN - OH HERE COMES MY GIRLFRIEND WITH HER CAR, I BET THAT IS FASTER THAN A BULLET TRAIN WITH A HUGE HEAD START I BETTER MAKE SURE I HAVE MY MOTION BLURS WITH ME
**ICE CUBE TURNS HIS AMAZING CAR INTO A TRAIN AND DRIVES IT ON TRAINTRACKS**
I.CUBE UH OH ANOTHER GUN ON THE FLOOR. WILL I FALL FOR THIS AGAIN? YES. OW MY ARM IS GETTING STABBED
**KITCHEN EXPLODES**
GREEN GOBLIN: HAHA I AM BEATING YOU UP OH NO UNDERWORD DUDE ON A ROPE JUST SAVED TEH PRESIDENT I KILL YOU ICE CUBE
I.CUBE NOT SO FAST I WILL JSUT JUMP OFF THE TRAIN OVER A RIVER FOO'
**TRAIN EXPLODES, ICE CUBE SHOOTS AND KILLS THE PATOMAC RIVER**
I.CUBE: I AM AN ACTION HERO
THE END

S T E A L T H
Basically xXx meets Team America: World Police only funnier
SO LIKE, IN THE NEAR FUTURE THERE IS THIS ELITE FORCE OF HOTSHOT SUPERSMARTJET PILOTS WHO FIGHT TERRORISTS. THEY ARE VERY AWESOME AND ELITE!!!
MAVERICK LOOSE CANNON: ALRIGHT TEAM IT IS GO TIME
LOVE INTREST: MISSLES AND STUFF
OSCAR AWARD WINNER JAMIE FOX: WOO
*** EXPLOSIONS AND SWEET MOTIONS BLURS EVERYWHERE ***
BUZZCUT ELITE TEAM COMMANDER: HAHA JUST A TRAINING EXERCISE BUT EVEN SO THAT WAS STILL VERY EXTREME COME BACK TO BASE YOU HOTSHOT AWESOME PIOLTS JESUS I CANNOT GET OVER HOW ELITE YOU ARE
*** THEY LAND ***
MAVERICK LOOSE CANNON: SUP CHIEF
BUZZCUT ELITE TEAM COMMANDER: DOODS YOU ARE GETTING A NEW WINGMAN
OSCAR AWARD WINNER JAMIE FOX: FUCK THAT NOISE CHEIF WE WORK ALONE ETC ETC ETC
BUZZCUT ELITE TEAM COMMANDER: YEAH WHATEVER YOU OUT AND PARTY AND THEN REPORT TO THE AIRCRAFT CARRIER FOR WHATEVER REASON
*** THEY PARTY ELITELY ***
LOVE INTREST: I SMILE SMUGLY WHILE THE MAVERICK LOOSE CANNON HOOKS UP WITH STUPID GIRLS
MAVERICK LOOSE CANNON: WOO I AM UNTAMEABLE
*** MEANTWHILE ***
MYSTERIOUS WINDOW GUY: MUAH HA HA
BUZZCUT ELITE TEAM COMMANDER: OH HO HO HO
*** AIRCRAFT CARRIER! ***
MAVERICK LOOSE CANNON: SO WHO'S THIS NEW WINGMAN I HOPE IT IS NOT A ROBOT PLANE
ROBOT PLANE: SUP
MAVERICK LOOSE CANNON: ...
BUZZCUT ELITE TEAM COMMANDER: K DUDES TIME FOR MORE TRAINING MISSI - OH WAIT EVERY TERRORIST EVER IS MEETING IN THIS ONE BUILDING
MAVERICK LOOSE CANNON: WELL WE BETTER BLOW THEM UP
*** AWSOME PLANES GO REALLY FAST ***
MAVERICK LOOSE CANNON: OK ROBOT PLANE I AM THE MAVERICK LOOSE CANNON SO DON'T FUCK WITH ME
OSCAR AWARD WINNER JAMIE FOX: YEAH YOU TELL HIM - OH THERE IS THAT BUILDING
LOVE INTEREST: THIS AMAZING COMPUTER TELLS ME THAT THIS BUILDING CANNOT BE KILLED BY OUR BOMBS WITHOUT KILLING EVERYONE AROUND
ROBOT PLANE DUDES JUST FLY STRAINGT DOWN REALLY FAST AND DROP THE BOMB SERIOUSLY I CAN DO IT
MAVERICK LOOSE CANNON: FUCK YOU ROBOT PLANE I AM DOING IT
*** HE DOES IT ***
LOVE INTEREST: AMAZING THAT HUGE DOWNTOWN SKYSCRAPER BUILDING WAS UNNOCUPIED EXCEPT FOR TERRORISTS! ZERO CIVILANS KILLED!!!!
BUZZCUT ELITE TEAM COMMANDER: FUCK ME YOU GUYS ARE SO ELITE I AM FREAKING OUT!!! OK COME BACK NOW AND GO ON VACATION
*** LIGHTNING HITS THE ROBOT PLANE! ***
ROBOT PLANE: LIGHTINGING DOSEN'T MAKE ME EVIL
*** TEAM AWESOME GOES ON VACATION AND THERE IS SOME CLUSMY CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT THAT YOU DON;T WANT TO KNOW ABOUT. FOR EXAMPLE: ***
MAVERICK LOOSE CANNON: DUDE JAMIE FOX IT TURNS OUT THAT I AM TOTALLY IN LOVE WITH THE LOVE INTEREST
*** SEE I TOLD YOU. SO ANYWAY: ***
BUZZCUT ELITE TEAM COMMANDER: MY ELITE BITCHES, THE TERRORIST ARE AT IT AGAIN WITH NUKES YOU MUST GOT TO TERRORSTAN AND KILL THEM SWEETLY
*** AWESOME PLANES GO REALLY FAST AND ANYWHERE IN THE WORLD IN SECONDS ***
LOVE INTEREST: IF WE BLOW UP THOSE NUKES IT WILL BLOW RADIOACTIVE SHIT ALL OVER EVERYONE!
MAVERICK LOOSE CANNON: K LETS GO HOME THEN - OH WAIT ROBOT PLANE STOP
ROBOT PLANE: WHATEVER
*** ROBOT PLANE KILLS THE NUKES AND THER EIS RADIOACTIVE SHIT EVERYWHERE ***
OSCAR AWARD WINNER JAMIE FOX: I AM GOING TO KILL YOU ROBOT PLANE
*** YEAH I WONDER WHAT HAPPENS NEXT ***
MAVERICK LOOSE CANNON: I MISS JAMIE FOX ;_;
LOVE INTEREST: DUDE MY AWESOME PLANE IS FUCKED, LATER
MAVERICK LOOSE CANNON: LATER. OKAY I AM COMING FOR YOU ROBOT PLANE
*** LOVE INTEREST HAS TO BAIL OUT OVER

NORTH KOREA

***
LOVE INTEREST: OH HERRO LITTLE NORTH KOREAN GIRL
LITTLE NORTH KOREAN GIRL: *SCREAMS*
LOVE INTEREST: I AM SORRY I DON'T SPEAK NORTH KOREAN
*** MEANWHILE! ***
MAVERICK LOOSE CANNON: OH MAN RUSSIANS EVERYWHERE
ROBOT PLANE: WE MUST TEAM UP AND FIGHT LIKE BROTHERS TO DEFEAT THESE DUDES DUDE, HERE I WILL PLAY SOME SWEET MP3'S TO MAKE IT ALL THE MORE AWESOME
MAVERICK LOOSE CANNON: DUDE MY PLANE IS FUCKED AND SO ARE YOU
BUZZCUT ELITE TEAM COMMANDER: YOU MUST GO TO ALASKA SINCE YOU CAN FLY ANYWHERE ON ONE TANK OF GAS PRETTY MUCH
*** MEANWHILE IN KOREA ***
VINDICTIVE NORTH KOREAN SNIPER: DIE YOU ELITE TERRORIST FIGHTING PILOT *blam*
LOVE INTEREST: OW SHIT I AM GETTING FILTHY AND COVERED IN TINY SCRATCHES
***MEANWHILE IN ALASKA***
MAVERICK LOOSE CANNON: ARGH CRASH LANDING
DOCTOR GUY: DUDE YOU NEED THIS SHOT LET ME GIVE YOU THIS SHOT
MAVERICK LOOSE CANNON: NO
DOCTOR GUY: LET ME GIVE YOU THIS SHOT I AM A DOCTOR
MAVERICK LOOSE CANNON: NO KNOCK IT OFF
DOCCTOR GUY, APPARENTLY NOW EVIL DOCTOR GUY: I POKE YOU WITH THIS NEEDLE AND YOU DIEE OH SHIT I AM OVERPOWERED AND NOW POISONED BY MY OWN NEEDLE
*** OK SO I WENT TO THE BATHROOM AT THIS POINT AND MISSED SOME SWEET EXPLOSIONS AND THE MAVERIC LOOSE CANNON ESCAPING INSIDE ROBOT PLANE ***
MAVERICK LOOSE CANNON: WELL TIME TO GO TO NORTH KOREA, ROBOT PLANE. OH AND LETS CALL THE NAVY AND TELL THEM THAT BUZZCUT ELITE COMMANDER IS ACTAULLY A BADGUY ROBOT PLANE: SURE WHATEVER
*** SUDDENLY IN NORTH KOREA THERE ARE LIKE A MILLION EXPLOSIONS AND THEN THE MAVERICK LOOSE CANNON SAVES EVERYONE FOREVER AND THE ROBOT PLANE KILLS ITSELF OF SAVE EVERYONE WHO WAS NOT PREVIOUSLY SAVED BUT OSCAR WINNER JAMIE FOX BECASUE HE IS DEAD GODDAMNIT THE END***
AUDIENCE: THERE WAS NO GODDAMNED STEALTH IN THIS MOVIE

WAR OF THE WORLDS
Nothing says fourth of july like an alien invasion
MORGAN FREEMAN: SUP
TOMCRUISE: I AM THE GREATEST CARGO CRATE MOVING GUY THERE EVER WAS YO PEEP MY RIDE MUSTANG FURY BITCHES
EX WIFE: TOM YOU ARE LATE HERE ARE YOUR KIDS
TOMCRUISE: LOL SUP KIDS YOUR DAD SUCKS OH SHIT ONE OF MY KIDS IS DAKOTA FANNING AND THE OTHER IS... HEY SUP AGAIN
EX WIFE: K BYE SEE YOU DUDES AT THE TEARFUL REUNION
DAKOTA FANNING: I LOOK LIKE RAINBOW BRIGHT
*** A bunch of shit happens re-enforcing that Tom Cruise is a pretty shitty dad ***
TOMCRUISE: WOW LOOK AT ALL THIS LIGHTNING
DAKOTA FANNING: *SCREAMS, CRIES, ETC ETC*
TOMCRUISE: OBVIOUSLY I BETTER GO CHECK THIS OUT
*** Later, at the smoking crater ***
TOMCRUISE: OH HAY THIS IS PRETTY COOL OH WAIT GIANT FOGHORN CG SCION tC OK THAT IS NOT COOL AFTER ALL I TAKE IT ALL BACK
CONFOUNDED ALIEN CONTRAPTION: I BLOW YOU ALL UP! *DEATHRAY*
TOMCRUISE: OK THAT IS PRETTY COOL! THEY BLOW UP BUT THIER CLOTHES JUST FLY OFF HAHA NUIDTY RAY O WAIT AAAAAA
TEENAGE SON: DUDE DAD YOU ARE COVERED IN PEOPLE-POWDER
TOMCRUISE: OH GROSS K THAT IS IT LETS STEAL A MINIVAN
MECHANIC: HAY TOMCRUISE GOOD THING YOU KNOW MORE ABOUT CARS THAN I DO BECASUE BY TELLING ME TO REPLACE THE SOLINOID IN THE STARTER YOU HAVE UNDERMINED THE ENTIRE ALIEN INVASION THAT FOR SOME REASON I DON'T REALLY CARE ABOUT BUT GODDAMNIT THAT IS NOT VERY COOL OF YOU TO BE STEALING MY MINIVAN K BYE
*** They totally flee ***
TOM CRUSIE: RIGHT, SO LETS GET YOU TO YOUR MOM SHE'LL KNOW WHAT TO DO
KIDS: WE HATE YOU DAD
TOM CRUISE: FUCK!
*** Later at Mom's house ***
TOM CRUISE: ALLRIGHT DUDES YOU MOM IS NOT HERE. ALIENS ARE WASTING ALL THE MAJOR CITIES. LETS GO TO BOSTON.
KIDS: 9_9
*** OMFG creepy lights and noises ***
TOMCRUISE: HAHA WHEW IT WAS ALL JUST A 747 CRASHING INTO THE HOUSE I THOUGHT IT WAS ALIENS
TEEN DUDE: DAD LET ME JOIN THE ARMY THEY BLEW UP MY SUBURB
TOMCRUISE: NO WE ARE GOING TO BOSTON NO TIME FOR ARMY. HERE TO MAKE IT UP TO YOU I WILL LET YOU DRIVE THE MINIVAN - SHIT YOU DROVE IT RIGHT INTO AN ANGRY MOB!
MOB: RRRGHH MINIVAN
TOMCRUISE: K, LATER
MOB: *VROOM*
TOMCRUISE: SO LIKE, NEW PLAN WE ARE CROSSING THIS RIVER OH HAY IT IS THE ARMY
TEEN DUDE: DAD I REALLY NEED TO GO SEE THE ARMY
TOMCRUISE: K LATER
*** Explosions! Army loses ***
TOMCRUISE: DAMNIT! LOOKS LIKE THAT IS A "MY SON IS DEAD" KIND OF EXPLOSION
TIM ROBBINS: SUPRISE IT IS ME, TIME ROBBINS! COME HIDE IN MY DISGUSTING CELLER. ALSO, I AM KIND OF INSANE
TOMCRUSIE: I AM TOM CRUISE!
*** BLAH BLAH BLAH ***
TIM ROBBINS: WTF ALIEN FIELD TRIP IN MY BASEMENT? I DON'T THINK SO!
*** Tomcruise and Tim Robbins have this really awkward silent shotgun fight while the dumbest looking aliens ever drink puddles of cellar-water ***
TIM ROBBINS: DUDE THE ALIEN SHIPS ARE EATING PEOPLE THEY WILL NOT EAT ME I WILL DIG A TUNNEL
TOMCRUISE: DAKOTA FANNING, I HAVE TO KILL TIM ROBBINS HE IS TOO DAMN NOISEY. WHILE I KILL HIM SING A CHILDHOOD SONG THAT REPRESENTS THE FRAGILE INNOCENCE OF CHILDHOOD
SPIELBURG: I AM SO SUBTLE

TOMCRUISE: K I KILLED HIM - WHOOP WE ARE BEING CAPTURED OH HEY GRENADES COOL
ALIEN ANUS: I EAT YOU TOMCRUISE
TOMCRUISE: NOT SO FAST ALIEN ANUS *SPITS OUT GRENADE PINS*
ARMY DUDE:WAIT... DUDE TELL ME YOU DID NOT OPEN YOUR MOUTH WHILE INSIDE AN ALINE SPHINCTER THAT IS DISGUSTING
*** Alien ship explodes! ***
TOMCRUISE: WELL HERE WE ARE IN BOSTON - OH LOOK THE ARMY IS KILLING THE ALIENS NOW
ALINES: FUCKING SARS *DIES*
TOMCRUISE: LOL
TEEN KID WHO SHOULD BE DEAD: I AM NOT DEAD!
TOMCRUISE: AWESOME! *HIFIVES*
MORGAN FREEMAN: IRONY
THE END, JESUS

The Transporter 2: Ever More Transporter!
The Bold Tale of why you should probably buy an audi

PHYSICS: I AM NOT IN THIS MOVIE
OPENING CREDITS: BEHOLD! AN AUDI!
TRANSPORTER: *SCOWL*
RANDOM SCHOOLGIRL HOOTCH: DUDE GET OUT OF THAT SWEET AUDI OR I SHOOT YOU
TANSPORTER: *SCOWLS HARDER*
THUGS: HA HA YOUR AUDI IS OURS, UH, DAWG
** Transporter dispenses beatings **
TRANSPORTER: WELL OFF TO SCHOOL
KID: SUP TRANSPORTER LETS HAVE SOME STERN BUT ENDERING BANTER AS YOU DRIVE ME THROUGH A MONTAGE OF MIAMI
TRANSPORTER: *LOVINGLY SCOWLS*
KID: :D
KIDS PARENTS: WE ARE FIGHTING ON OUR FRONT LAWN
TRANSPORTER: I WILL SAVE YOU KID BY PULLING AWAY SO YOU CAN'T SEE YOUR PARENTS YELLING AT EACHOTHER
MOM: SUP TRANSPORTER THANKS FOR WHATEVER HEY WANNA HEAR ABOUT ALL MY PROBLEMS
TRANSPORTER: *SCOWLS LUSTILY*
DAD: HEY WIFE STOP FLIRTING WITH THAT AUDI I WANT TO YELL AT YOU SOME MORE
MOM: LATER TRANSPORTER - OH HEY TAKE MY KID TO THE DOCTOR TOMMOROW
SPIES: WE HEARD THAT
** meanwhile the villian beats up some dudes in samurai armor **
VILLIAN: BWAH HA HA VIRUS
SHE-HENCH: YES ALSO BWAH HA HA
** The Transporter goes home and orders a pizza! **
TRANSPORTER: MY REFRIDGERATOR IS SPONSORED BY HEINIKEN
MOM: HEY HI TRANSPORTER I THINK YOU SHOULD TRANSPORT ME *WIIIIINNNKKKKKK*
TRANSPORTER: DUDE LADY HAVE YOU BEEN DRINKING *SCOWLS*
MOM: LOL YES
TRANSPORTER: WELL YOU SHOULD DRIVE HOME THEN
MOM: OKAY LATER TRANSPORTER
** later, at the doctors office **
SHE-HENCH: I KILL YOU DOCTORS... IN MY UNDERWEAR!
** the transporter transports the kid to the doctors!! **
KID: FUCK DUDE, I DON;T WANT TO GET A SHOT
TRANSPORTER: DUDE I PROMISE I WILL NEVER DIE OR LET ANYONE HURT YOU EVER FOREVER
KID: K
TRANSPORTER: OH SHIT THAT NURSE HAS A TATOO SHE IS NO NURSE AT ALL
SHE-HENCH: *UNDERWEAR, MACHINE GUNS, ETC*
TRANSPORTER: LETS GET OUT OF HERE KID
SHE-HENCH: DAMN WE DID NOT GET TO INJECT THE KID WITH MT. DEW VIRUS
OTHER HENCH DUDE: IT'S COOL I PLANTED THE BIGGEST HUGEST CAR BOMB EVER ON THAT SWEET ASS AUDI OH MAN WHAT A CAR
** THEY ESCAPE AND GO HOME! **
TRANSPORTER: O SHIT SNIPER IS POINTING A GUN AT KIDS HEAD *SCOWL!*
SHE HENCH: HAHA WE HAVE U NOW TRANSPORTER AND ALSO KID
MOM: WTF
TRANSPORTER: TIME FOR SOME ACTION DRIVING *SSSCCCOOWWLLLL* *VROOM*
** so there is a car chase and shit and the audi plows through all this shit including a concrete wall without a scratch **
VILLAIN: WELL DONE TRASNPORTER WELLCOME TO MY EVIL BASE NOW GO AWAY SO WE CAN BLOW YOU UP WITH THAT CAR BOMB
TRANSPORTER: THE SENSABLE THING WOULD BE TO DRIVE AWAY AND THEN BAIL OUT OF THE CAR BUT HOW ABOUT INSTED I DRIVE UP THIS RAMP, DO A 360 BARREL ROLL AND USE THAT LOW HANGING CRANE TO KNOCK THE HUGE CARBOMB OFF MY CAR. YEAH THAT WOULDN'T BE STUPID AND IN FACT VERY COOL
** he does that and it is stupid **
TRANSPORTER: TRANSPORTER TO MILF COME IN MILF
MOM: DUDE TRANSPORTER EVERYONE HATES YOU NOW
TRANSPORTER: *SCOWL*
FRENCH COP DUDE: ALLO TRANSPORTUER I WAS IN ZE FIRST MOVIE! I AM AT YOUR HOUSE CHOOKING OH NO SWAT PEOPLES ARRESTING ME
TRANSPORTER: DON;T WORRY YOU CAN USE THE POLICE COMPUTERS TO ADVANCE THE PLOT CONVIENTLY WHENEVER I NEED YOU TO
FRENCH COP DUDE: OUI
** MEANWHILE IT IS RANSOM TIME **
DAD: OKAY I PAID YOUR RANSOM GIVE ME MY SONNNNNN
VILLIAN: K HE IS IN A TRUCK OR SOMETHING
MOM: IT IS GOD TO HAVE YOU BACK SON I HOPE THEY DID NOT INJECT YOU WITH A VIRUS
KID: COUGH COUGH
MOM: YEAH YOU SEEM FINE
**the Trasnporter does a bunch of crap that uncovers the fiendish plot that the kid is like a virus bomb and infecting everyone**
MOM: FUCK NOW EVERONE IS DYING
TRANSPORTER: SCOWL!!!!!!!!!!!! HEY FRENCH DUDE USE THAT COMPUTER TO FIND THE VILLAIN'S HIDEOUT
FRENCH DUDE: OUI - ZUT ALLURES I AM DISCOVERED IT IS ALL UP TO YOU TRANSPORTER
** transporter goes to the hideout **
GANG OF DUDES WITH AXES AND SWORDS: WE ARE GOING TO NOT BE ALBE TO HIT YOU EVEN THOUGH THERE IS LIKE 12 OF US RIGHT
TRASPORTER: NO
GAMG OF DUDES WITH GUNS: OK OUR TURN
TRANSPORTER: THIS FIRE HOSE SHOULD TAKE CARE OF YOU POW POW POW
VILLIAN: WELL DONE TRASPORTER BUT I PUT ALL THE ANTIDOTE IN MY BLOOD!
TRANSPORTER: WAIT WHAT ARE YOU SERIOUS
VILLAIN: YOU MAY HAVE BATTLED ALL MY THUGS, BUT TO YOU HAVE ENOUGH HP LEFT TO DEFEAT THE SUB-BOSS?
SHE-HENCH: RAWR
VILLIAN: BWA HA HA HA *ESCAPES*
TRANSPORTER: PROTIP: THROW THE SHE-HENCH INTO A WALL OF SPIKES (?) FOR AN EASY WIN!
** Transporter steals a car that is faster than time **
VILLAN: WELL I CAN REST EASY NOW THAT I AM ON MY PRIVATE JET AND ESCAPTING - OH SHIT TRANSPORTER!
TRASNPORTER: YEAH I CLIMBED IN THROUGH THE WHEEL WELL (!!!???) BTW YOUR SUPER POORLY CGI'D PLANE LOOKS LIKE PS2 SHIT
** there is a big fight and teh pilot gets shot and dies and they crash into the ocean but the tranporter wins becasue he jumped away from the crash(!!??!?!?!?!??!!????)
**
TRANPORTER: WELL I SAVED EVERYONE *SCOWLS AT HINTS OF A SEQUAL*
THE END


SHIN KONGU: PERFECT COLLECTION PENULTIMACE
fansub edition

ANNE: THE POORNESS OVERWHELMS
OLD DUDE: ANNE....
ANNE: OLD DUDE....
OLD DUDE: ANNE YOUR LIFE IS THE SUCK FOR YOU
ANNE: ....OLD DUDE....
AUDIENCE: BRING ME MONKEYS SOON
****MOVIE STUIDO****
DENIM: MY GENIUS IS UNAPPRICIATED WHOLLY MY MOVIES ARE WITH HEART
SIDEKICK: AGREE
DENIM: THIS MAP I AM HAVING, SECRETS?? TO THE STOLEN BOAT AND ADVENTURE
SIDEKICK: WITHOUT THE LADY? IMPOSSIBLE THIS TASK BECOMES
DENIM: QUEST ACCEPTED
****FILTHY NEW YORK STREETS****
ANNE: UWAHHH SO POOR
DENIM: TO THE MOVIES WITH YOU
ANNE: NANI DESU KA
DENIM: PERHAPS MY LIES WILL TRICK YOU?
ANNE: ....
ANNE: ....
ANNE: ....
ANNE: ....
DENIM: CLOSE THE MOUTH PLEASE AND COME WITH ME
****ADVETURESHIP****
DRISCOLL: DENIM-SAN PLEASE I MUST GO
DENIM: HAHA PERHAPS ONE DAY BUT NOT TODAY! MY TRICKS FOOL YOU
DRISCOLL: BASTARD
DENIM: ALL BEND LIKE WILLOWS IN THE WIND TO THE GUSTS OF MY WILL
DRISCOLL: THIS POWER, WHERE DOES HE GET IT
CHINESE GUY: COME TO YOUR CAGE CABIN AND LIVE WELL THERE
DRISCOLL: I AM FORCED TO MAKE WONDER AT ALL THE HUGE CLORFORM BOTTELS
CAPTAIN SENSEI: SUCH QUESTIONS ARE BEST NOT SURFACED *EYEGLEAM*
CHINESE GUY: WE CAPTURE RARE ANIMALS
CAPTAIN SENSEI: ...
****HOURS LATER****
ANNE: SO IS THIS DRISCOLL-CHAN HE IS MAKING THE HEART SWELL
GUY: NO
DRISCOLL: DOKI DOKI, I AM DRISCOLL
ANNE: ALSO I DOKI DOKI
DRISCOLL: WITH MOUTH SO AGAPE I CAN SEE INTO YOUR HEART. I WILL WRITE YOU A PLAY
ANNE: ...DRISCOLLCHAN....
DENIM: CLOSE MOUTH PLEASE
****AND SO****
CAPTAIN SENSEI: THE FOG IS OMINOUS
FRIST MATE: RGHH... RGHHHH.... *SWEAT*
SPUNKY RAGAMUFFIN: WALL
SHIP: *BONK*
DENIM: AN OPENING! TO THE ISALND AND MY DREAMS
****SKULL ISLAND****
NATIVES: TO DEATH WITH YOU
DENIM: MY COMRADES!
CAPTAIN SENSEI: I ARRIVE IN THE TIME OF NICK HA HA KILL KILL
DENIM: TO THE BOAT I RETURN WITH A HEART NOW MORE HEAVY
****BOAT OF SAD****
NATIVE: FOOLISH WOMAN, SHIN KONGU WILL BE DELIGHTED WITH YOU
ANNE: DRISCOLL-CHAN HELP ME
DRISCOLL: I MUST SAVE YOU
***THE ISLAND***
ANNE: AIEEEEEE
SHIN KONGU: RAWR OOK OOK CLOSE YOUR MOUTH JESUS
ANDY: SHIT I REALLY NEED TO PACK AND THERE IS LIKE 6 MORE HOURS OF THIS SO TO SUM UP:
SHIN KONGU: *EXPIRE*
ANNE: MY EYES WOBBLE FOR MY FAROVITE DEAD APE. CHAN.
DENIM: BEAUTALLITY
FINIS